Yes, for those of you who know the movie "Dumb & Dumber" like you wrote the script yourself... you know where this line comes from... and what noise is made next.
Tonight I whole-heartedly disagree w/ the writers of the movie... for I have found THE MOST annoying noise...
It's the neighbors' german shepherd barking blindly into the night ... in the same repetitive 3-yelp bark. Is she barking at leaves falling off the tree?
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Gutsy Gutterpup (June '05)
So, I've often thought myself to have a bit of a morbid imagination... my mother tells me it's just that I'm a creative soul. I've often wondered how I'd react to a horrendous scene in an elevator when the doors open. Well, I can tell you EXACTLY how I would react... now that I've been scared to near heart attack! While it's not really "horrendous"... it was starting to look that way right from the start.
Around 5:45 am everyday I pull into the parking garage at work... and as usual, today I'm the first person to park on the lowest level of our mostly underground parking garage. I call the elevator... and the doors slowly start to open (the doors on this particular lift are slow as molasses)... and there is a body on the floor of the elevator. I jump back out of fear that something is horribly wrong! But as the doors open all the way it appears a transient is curled up in a ball in the fetal position (confirmed by the foul smell slapping me in the face). I cannot keep myself from gasping, stepping backwards and then screaming...
Keep in mind - this is all happening in slow motion... right?! As I scream the body still isn't moving. The doors are slowly closing and for a split second I wonder if the person is even breathing. Then the lifeless body (and my brain) jolts like an earthquake... it rolls over and I see a woman probably in her late 20s or early 30s - who looks much older than that. She is barefoot, wearing grimy jeans and a sweatshirt... with hair that looks like it hasn't been washed in months.
She crawls out of the elevator on her hands and knees, mumbling something unintelligible and I am still walking backwards out of shock. I seem to remember very loudly finding the words "You should probably go somewhere else!" and yelling them at her! She's still mumbling. I think I was a broken record at this point. And because I'm yelling at her she starts walking faster and faster towards me... Of course I'm aware of the fact that there aren't many other people in the garage this early in the morning, that my cell phone doesn't work this far underground, that even IF there WAS a security guard on site he probably wasn't close enough to help me if this person goes ballistic... and I'm certainly not entering the stair well if this is what I find in the elevator!
Back to what's happening w/ the vagrant... she's walking faster and faster towards me... my pace picks up and I decide the best thing to do is to turn around and walk up the three levels of the parking lot. I set out walking straight across the parking lot towards the nearest SAFE exit, looking over my shoulder (I am still yelling at her "You should probably go somewhere else!"). She's yelling back at me! Quite the sight, I'm sure! She followed me up a level and a half (it may have even been two levels) and finally she quit following me. I'm sure she went to hide in another corner of the parking garage... I'm wondering who she alarmed next.
Yes, yes... I reported the problem to my Facilities manager... and even to our Human Resources dept. Apparently she and a male companion have been hanging around in our welcoming garage for the past several weeks.
I have to admit... part of me wanted to hit her... part of me wanted to hug her... part of me wanted to bring food back down to her... part of me wanted to call the police to drag her away for being a public nuisance (what's police talk for "drunk in public"?)... part of me wanted to drive her to a shelter and give her a chance to get a shower and get her hair combed...
Needless to say, if I've made it inside and can post my blog... then I'm safe. And as I lay down to sleep I will have a roof over my head... and I will be wondering where she passes out tonight...
Around 5:45 am everyday I pull into the parking garage at work... and as usual, today I'm the first person to park on the lowest level of our mostly underground parking garage. I call the elevator... and the doors slowly start to open (the doors on this particular lift are slow as molasses)... and there is a body on the floor of the elevator. I jump back out of fear that something is horribly wrong! But as the doors open all the way it appears a transient is curled up in a ball in the fetal position (confirmed by the foul smell slapping me in the face). I cannot keep myself from gasping, stepping backwards and then screaming...
Keep in mind - this is all happening in slow motion... right?! As I scream the body still isn't moving. The doors are slowly closing and for a split second I wonder if the person is even breathing. Then the lifeless body (and my brain) jolts like an earthquake... it rolls over and I see a woman probably in her late 20s or early 30s - who looks much older than that. She is barefoot, wearing grimy jeans and a sweatshirt... with hair that looks like it hasn't been washed in months.
She crawls out of the elevator on her hands and knees, mumbling something unintelligible and I am still walking backwards out of shock. I seem to remember very loudly finding the words "You should probably go somewhere else!" and yelling them at her! She's still mumbling. I think I was a broken record at this point. And because I'm yelling at her she starts walking faster and faster towards me... Of course I'm aware of the fact that there aren't many other people in the garage this early in the morning, that my cell phone doesn't work this far underground, that even IF there WAS a security guard on site he probably wasn't close enough to help me if this person goes ballistic... and I'm certainly not entering the stair well if this is what I find in the elevator!
Back to what's happening w/ the vagrant... she's walking faster and faster towards me... my pace picks up and I decide the best thing to do is to turn around and walk up the three levels of the parking lot. I set out walking straight across the parking lot towards the nearest SAFE exit, looking over my shoulder (I am still yelling at her "You should probably go somewhere else!"). She's yelling back at me! Quite the sight, I'm sure! She followed me up a level and a half (it may have even been two levels) and finally she quit following me. I'm sure she went to hide in another corner of the parking garage... I'm wondering who she alarmed next.
Yes, yes... I reported the problem to my Facilities manager... and even to our Human Resources dept. Apparently she and a male companion have been hanging around in our welcoming garage for the past several weeks.
I have to admit... part of me wanted to hit her... part of me wanted to hug her... part of me wanted to bring food back down to her... part of me wanted to call the police to drag her away for being a public nuisance (what's police talk for "drunk in public"?)... part of me wanted to drive her to a shelter and give her a chance to get a shower and get her hair combed...
Needless to say, if I've made it inside and can post my blog... then I'm safe. And as I lay down to sleep I will have a roof over my head... and I will be wondering where she passes out tonight...
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
my crazy thing for the day... (June '05)
seems like i have something crazy happen to me almost daily... then again, maybe it's just the way i look at the world...
today? today it happened while i was sitting at a traffic light around the corner from my office. i noticed that water was flowing rather heavily on the road i was on... taking debris with it and clogging up the gutters, etc.
i look out my passenger window to see where this water is coming from... to my surprise, water is shooting straight up out of the ground. through 3 or 4 cracks in the asphalt... spouts about 8 to 12 inches high! as i sit there waiting for my light to turn green i wonder how safe i am sitting on top of a potential sink hole. luckily my light turned to green within moments.
before even sitting down at my desk at 5:45 am today, i called the City's Public Works Dept and reported what appeared to be a major underground leak.
now, at lunch hour... i look out the window and am sure all of the people sitting in traffic are thrilled that they are still sitting in traffic and late getting back to work from what was until now a leisurely lunch... 4 lanes of their road are completely blocked off. The City of San Diego's Pblic Works Dept has been hard at work since 6 am today... but I got here before they did!
what will happen tomorrow?!
Superhero Lori... signing out...
today? today it happened while i was sitting at a traffic light around the corner from my office. i noticed that water was flowing rather heavily on the road i was on... taking debris with it and clogging up the gutters, etc.
i look out my passenger window to see where this water is coming from... to my surprise, water is shooting straight up out of the ground. through 3 or 4 cracks in the asphalt... spouts about 8 to 12 inches high! as i sit there waiting for my light to turn green i wonder how safe i am sitting on top of a potential sink hole. luckily my light turned to green within moments.
before even sitting down at my desk at 5:45 am today, i called the City's Public Works Dept and reported what appeared to be a major underground leak.
now, at lunch hour... i look out the window and am sure all of the people sitting in traffic are thrilled that they are still sitting in traffic and late getting back to work from what was until now a leisurely lunch... 4 lanes of their road are completely blocked off. The City of San Diego's Pblic Works Dept has been hard at work since 6 am today... but I got here before they did!
what will happen tomorrow?!
Superhero Lori... signing out...
Monday, June 13, 2005
To have faith or not... (June '05)
This doesn't have anything to do with religion... no, it has to do with our court system.
My question today is "Do I have faith in the United States court system?" I will be working on that answer and get back with my decision.
Regarding Michael Jackson going free on all counts... I do know this, I firmly believe that whether or not he performed these horrendous acts on young children at any point in his life... the man needs prayer.
May God be with Michael Jackson and his future decisions.
My question today is "Do I have faith in the United States court system?" I will be working on that answer and get back with my decision.
Regarding Michael Jackson going free on all counts... I do know this, I firmly believe that whether or not he performed these horrendous acts on young children at any point in his life... the man needs prayer.
May God be with Michael Jackson and his future decisions.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Hairy Houdini (June '05)
The OTHER Houdini was Harry Houdini. But Lee and I know a Hairy Houdini... aka the Mouse residing in our kitchen. Read on for a quick recap of the adventure we've experienced in the last 10 days. Mousey escaped capture from two mouse traps, while still scoring the lure. THEN, Mousey escaped capture from two large rat traps, while AGAIN scoring the lure. So, we then purchased the sticky traps.
The sticky traps are basically this... a piece of long cardboard w/ about 1/8 inch thick VERY sticky glue adhered to the top. In theory, the lure is put in the middle of the board and basically the creature can't get away... "IN THEORY" being the operative words here!
BE AWARE: for those not interested in reading semi-gruesome and yet delicately worded animal tales... DO NOT READ ON!
So, Lee and I thought we were pretty smart when we taped two of these sticky traps together (making up approximately an 8 1/2 x 11" sheet of very sticky glue). Placing the lure right in the middle REQUIRES Mousey to walk up onto the sticky stuff... therefore getting stuck. Is it real obvious that there is more to this story?!
I woke up one day this week to see that quite a battle ensued on the surface of that sticky trap. Evidence? Clumps of mouse fur stuck all over the entire surface to show that where he once was... he was no longer! Yes, you are reading this correctly... Hairy Houdini escaped once again. But there's more...
We were even further geniuses when we placed a large rat trap right next to that Ginormous sticky trap convinced that if Mousey somehow got free from the sticky trap it would be completely disoriented and walk right up onto that trap. Well, that almost worked.
Only Hairy's back leg got caught... AND he was still mobile... running from corner to corner of the kitchen trying to yank that rat trap into his little hideout spots... but of course his pathway was obstructed due to the size of the rat trap following closely behind.
I have to admit... I know this sounds a bit cruel. And I really wish he would just wander out the back door of his own volition - leaving our innocent kitchen alone. But when he's stealing my wooden spoons, forcing us to feel like visitors in HIS world, and making me jump with every little noise IN MY OWN HOME... that's when I retaliate. I want this Mouse dead!
Is there more? Of course there is! So, Lee and I were heading out for dinner two nights ago and I ran back inside to get a book to read... as I was walking into the living room I heard a large clatter coming from the kitchen. I glanced over and witnessed Mousey (ONCE AGAIN FREE OF RAT TRAP - how does he do this?!) slowly walking away from his last hiding place towards another corner of the kitchen. It appeared his back leg was broken... as he wasn't using it (yes, it was dragging behind him).
We really are truly at a loss of how to get rid of this guy. We've finally purchased the poison pellets... and have placed them very close to where he is currently hiding out - knowing he probably isn't going to be venturing very far on 3 legs...
The only thing I know for sure... is that once again, yet another house guest will NEVER be the same after staying at our house!
The sticky traps are basically this... a piece of long cardboard w/ about 1/8 inch thick VERY sticky glue adhered to the top. In theory, the lure is put in the middle of the board and basically the creature can't get away... "IN THEORY" being the operative words here!
BE AWARE: for those not interested in reading semi-gruesome and yet delicately worded animal tales... DO NOT READ ON!
So, Lee and I thought we were pretty smart when we taped two of these sticky traps together (making up approximately an 8 1/2 x 11" sheet of very sticky glue). Placing the lure right in the middle REQUIRES Mousey to walk up onto the sticky stuff... therefore getting stuck. Is it real obvious that there is more to this story?!
I woke up one day this week to see that quite a battle ensued on the surface of that sticky trap. Evidence? Clumps of mouse fur stuck all over the entire surface to show that where he once was... he was no longer! Yes, you are reading this correctly... Hairy Houdini escaped once again. But there's more...
We were even further geniuses when we placed a large rat trap right next to that Ginormous sticky trap convinced that if Mousey somehow got free from the sticky trap it would be completely disoriented and walk right up onto that trap. Well, that almost worked.
Only Hairy's back leg got caught... AND he was still mobile... running from corner to corner of the kitchen trying to yank that rat trap into his little hideout spots... but of course his pathway was obstructed due to the size of the rat trap following closely behind.
I have to admit... I know this sounds a bit cruel. And I really wish he would just wander out the back door of his own volition - leaving our innocent kitchen alone. But when he's stealing my wooden spoons, forcing us to feel like visitors in HIS world, and making me jump with every little noise IN MY OWN HOME... that's when I retaliate. I want this Mouse dead!
Is there more? Of course there is! So, Lee and I were heading out for dinner two nights ago and I ran back inside to get a book to read... as I was walking into the living room I heard a large clatter coming from the kitchen. I glanced over and witnessed Mousey (ONCE AGAIN FREE OF RAT TRAP - how does he do this?!) slowly walking away from his last hiding place towards another corner of the kitchen. It appeared his back leg was broken... as he wasn't using it (yes, it was dragging behind him).
We really are truly at a loss of how to get rid of this guy. We've finally purchased the poison pellets... and have placed them very close to where he is currently hiding out - knowing he probably isn't going to be venturing very far on 3 legs...
The only thing I know for sure... is that once again, yet another house guest will NEVER be the same after staying at our house!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Mighty Mouse (June '05)
So, the Mouse Patrol continues. Lee thinks it's a rat... I think it's still up for debate! Still no pictures to prove either of us wrong.
The first set of medium size traps didn't work... somehow the traps sprung and caught NOTHING! We have now purchased the extra large rat traps and will keep our fingers crossed! And you are right to presume we are still grilling in the backyard or stepping out to get something for dinner.
And TODAY... well, today something happened that I am convinced should never happen in someone's kitchen!
Mighty Mouse was clinking around in the kitchen. I peaked in from the living room and witnessed him dragging a wooden spoon across the stove top towards his hiding place! Yes, you read that correctly! He was DRAGGING A WOODEN SPOON ACROSS THE STOVE TOP!
And no, I couldn't grab the camera in time. He dropped the spoon and went running!
We have figured out that he's crawling around in the compartment area of our stove... moving in and out of a small steel flap on the back of the unit. No, he's not INSIDE the oven... just the back paneling of the stove where the electrical components are.
Coincidentally, our power blew at some point yesterday as well... so we COULD have a half-fried mouse on our hands. Which MIGHT explain the extra boost of energy to drag a wooden spoon around...
Until later... wish us luck...
The first set of medium size traps didn't work... somehow the traps sprung and caught NOTHING! We have now purchased the extra large rat traps and will keep our fingers crossed! And you are right to presume we are still grilling in the backyard or stepping out to get something for dinner.
And TODAY... well, today something happened that I am convinced should never happen in someone's kitchen!
Mighty Mouse was clinking around in the kitchen. I peaked in from the living room and witnessed him dragging a wooden spoon across the stove top towards his hiding place! Yes, you read that correctly! He was DRAGGING A WOODEN SPOON ACROSS THE STOVE TOP!
And no, I couldn't grab the camera in time. He dropped the spoon and went running!
We have figured out that he's crawling around in the compartment area of our stove... moving in and out of a small steel flap on the back of the unit. No, he's not INSIDE the oven... just the back paneling of the stove where the electrical components are.
Coincidentally, our power blew at some point yesterday as well... so we COULD have a half-fried mouse on our hands. Which MIGHT explain the extra boost of energy to drag a wooden spoon around...
Until later... wish us luck...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)