Tuesday, February 12, 2002

The Significance of Solitude

A road trip recently took up one of my weekends. This was a road trip for me, myself and I. I knew that I needed some time to think, drive, sing, cry, think some more, laugh, talk to myself, talk to God, cry some more, think some more, and continue driving. (PLUS, it didn’t hurt that I had a new car to drive and new music to keep my ears busy!)

And that’s exactly what happened. Friday after work I hopped in the already packed and full of gas car and hit the highway. I had my film and camera, loads of music, just enough clothes and my pillow. By the time I got out of San Diego County I was already giddy! Look at me! I’m taking my road trip finally!

Blarin’ my music, boppin’ my head to the grooves and singin’ right along… what could be better? I’m in my new car (which still has the new car smell), driving along the Pacific coast, watching the sunset, smiling at the people next to me (and they have absolutely NO CLUE why I’m so happy at this moment in time!). Come to think of it – I don’t either. All I'm certain of is that I can’t remember the last time I was this giddy … and all by myself!

Then it really hits me… I’m by myself. I’m taking a road trip up the coast of California toward the final destination of Santa Cruz… and I’m by myself. And I’m ok with it! How long has it been since I’ve been ok with being that alone for this length of time? What brought me to this point? Haven’t I always needed time by myself? Am I constantly surrounding myself with other people just to avoid solitude? I now have many questions to ponder as I’m driving.

And what I came to understand about myself is that I love my time alone… but I also long for those much cherished times with friends and family. And those times with others don’t have to be filled with monumental, special occasions… just hanging out is the best! Just having someone to share the moment with… no matter what moment happens to come along. At the same time, my time alone is cherished… but I think it might fit into a different category somehow. I love my time alone, and am very content at keeping myself entertained, and am even comfortable with it. How lucky am I?!

So at this time of the year, when everyone is thinking about Valentine’s Day (some cursing the day it all started due to the commercializing of the day itself)… I am content to know that I don’t need flowers or jewelry or cards or chocolates to lift my spirits. I know who I am. And I buy myself flowers!

Have I just stumbled across something I haven’t yet learned? Or is this significance of solitude something I’d already grasped at some point in my lifetime? Have I come across a new epiphany in my life? Or did I already know this? Whatever it is… it feels good and I’m happy about it. I’m truly comfortable in my own skin…

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