But this morning? This morning I had some dreams that stirred me to the core… that woke me with a start.
The first dream was about someone I talk to almost every day. And as I visited with her at her home, I found she had been working endlessly to re-arrange and remodel her entire house. Yet, she had not breathed a word of it to me when we would talk on a regular basis. Was it me? Was I not asking her what she had planned for the day? Was I too caught up in my own problems/excitement/drama to ask about what’s going on in her life? Or was she hiding something on purpose? If so, why would she do that? (These are earnest questions… I want to know the “WHY” - why would she hide this? I want to know the “WHY” so I can fix what needs to be fixed.)
The second dream was about a childhood friend who wouldn’t look me in the eyes. She was hiding her facial expression behind a book… literally. When she would talk to me she would hold a book up in front of her face. And later in the dream when I came around to talk to her about it, she was receiving comfort from a surprising source… someone who has been two-faced (very obviously acting/responding to one person a certain way while acting/responding differently to another person/group of people).
Not to mention, this third person has been outwardly un-authentic … telling me what she WANTS me to know, rather than being real with me… even if it means disagreeing with my take on things. (And whoever said we all have to agree with each other?! What a boring existence that would be!) She has a different answer for every person she talks to. She is simply a mirror of the person she is having a conversation with. Why? Does she not feel confident enough to have her own opinion? Does she want to fit in so badly that she just agrees with everyone?
But back to my thoughts on the 2nd friend… was she going to all of this trouble to hide something from me? Does she feel I will judge her? Does she feel I will belittle her? Why wouldn’t she come to me for comfort? Or have I offended her in a way that it hurts her to face me?
Did these dreams signify something in my life? Did they signify that my friends are hurting and that I need to pray for them, reach out to them? Or is it more of an internal thing? Do they signify that I have some work to do on myself so that I don’t cause these dramatic problems in my friendships?
Should these dreams even signify anything to me at all? Am I reading too much into the dreams spurred on by the spicy food I had for dinner last night?!
I sit here and ponder… praying for my hurting friends, any strained relationships, my own person. Through daily learning and an honest desire to better myself, I can be the best wife/friend/team-mate/co-worker I know how to be. It is my earnest desire that I can be honest/real/authentic with others and that they can be the same with me… whether we agree with each other or not, whether we see things from the same perspective or not, whether or not …
“Whether or not”… we can only be true to ourselves. Being true to ourselves we face ourselves and our relationships with authenticity.
And here is the “ah, ha!” moment…
As a Christian I fully believe this:
To be authentic it is imperative to maintain that God created us in HIS image. And HE LOVES US!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! Ugliness and all… imperfections and all… even with all the crazy/weird things we think or do. So why do we hide our ugly parts, our inadequacies, our unsure footing? Why do we try to impress others… or even show each other up, attempt to be better than others? Is it because we don’t like ourselves? We don’t like who HE created us to be?
Let me say it again… God created us in HIS image! How He loves us…
How comforting to know He loves me … just the way I am.
Amazing song: How He Loves Us
Life is good...
